The Salamander Factor - Part 3

“I loved him. But I don’t know why and how.”

Randeep spoke as he and Smruti were walking along the silent roads of Bandra Bandstand. The sea was silent today. Even the waves are listening to me tonight, thought Randeep. The road was less crowded by then. It was 11.30 pm in the clock. Randeep and Smruti were walking on the wide road in front of the sea. The air was tensed for Randeep as he was revealing the truth to Smruti. Smruti was simply listening and not asking any questions. She was trying not to overthink about the things Randeep was telling her.

“You may call it bisexuality. I have no justification for it. But I had loved him. I had told him about it during the final year of our studies. We had played a football match and I had defeated him. After the match, we had gone to the Café Coffee Day which is just in front of the ground at Churchgate. He had listened to me. He was shocked but he was trying to look relaxed. After I told him, he hugged me and left the CCD. Later that night, he had messaged me. I am sorry. I am not attracted to guys. I hope you understand. And I will make an attempt to understand you.”

Smruti smiled. She knew that Samrat was never attracted to guys. But she wasn’t convinced about many things. Hence, she kept silent.

“After that day, he never made me feel that there is any tension between me and him. He was the same Sally that I knew before I told him about my feelings. I am sure even you must not have noticed any change in our interactions.”

Randeep continued. His eyes were sparkling with memories. “I enjoyed the moments when I was with him. But it was never more than my love for you.”

Smruti was listening with whole of her mind and heart.

“At times, I felt suffocated. He used to avoid the topic. But it didn’t change my feelings for him. I never understood why I loved him. May be because he was a charmer but yet an introvert. May be because he was smart and the most lovable person. May be because he took care of my feelings and never let his ego hurt me or even, you, for that matter. May be because he was genuine and true to us and all the people he loved. May be because he lived his life the way he want and never ran behind the materialistic pleasures. May be because he loved himself. I don’t know. Really I don’t know. But the attraction was of pure love. It wasn’t a sexual feeling. It was just that I loved being with him and his presence made me feel good. He personified positivity and ambitiousness. He was a dreamer. He wanted to explore the world. He wanted to meet a new person every day but never made friends with them. Friendship was a very special thing for him. He loved being alone. He was, perhaps, a different kind of introvert I have seen. He wanted us to be together. Yes, he knew that I loved you.”

Smruti looked at him. But she kept silent and walking.

“He made me dream about my passions. He made me realize my talents. One day, I remember, I was very upset because I had flunked in behavioral psychology. Do you remember that phase? I had decided to give up medicine completely. It wasn’t working out for me. When I had told him about it, he took me to Panthky Agairy, an old age and underprivileged children’s home.

Look at these children, Randeep. There is no one to take care of them. These old people, look at them. They don’t even have enough money to get treated. By God’s grace, you have lovable parents. And they are financially strong too. You can work for these people after becoming a doctor. Don’t just give up on your dreams. Look at the bigger picture. Failures are detrimental to achieve success. You win some, you lose some. You will never win all the football matches which we play. But does it stop us from playing football? Life is like that. Follow your passions. You have to accept your failures, not rest on your laurels, let your feet be grounded and keep walking. Enjoy the journey. Success will be yours.

I still remember his calm face when he had told me about it. Then he cracked some joke and made me laugh. That is Samrat. I loved him for it.”

Smruti was silently listening.

“I also knew the fact there is no meaning to this love. One-sided love. He never resisted my feelings or avoided me in anyway. Sometimes, I used to flirt with him, shower him with compliments. He deserved every bit of it though. He used to simply smile and keep quiet. The best feeling in the word is to see someone’s smile and know that you were the reason. His smile always made me feel good.”

“But as I said, he never avoided me. At times, he used to avoid the eye contact. Yes. He used to avoid the eye contact. But I never understood the reason behind it. There are two types of people who can’t look at you in the eyes. One is someone who is trying to hide a lie; the other one is someone who is trying to hide love. Well, I don’t know.” Randeep was feeling better than before now after expressing himself.

They had now walked past huge coconut trees, restaurants which were now getting shut and families with their children, young couples, and group of friends returning home from Bandstand. But the surroundings were still colorful. The roads were getting deserted. The temperature began to drop. And the sea seemed to have become a bit violent now. The waves were making noise loud enough to catch Randeep’s and Smruti’s attention.

“I often felt that I should just go away from your and Samrat’s life. All the equations would have been solved then. But before I leave, he only left us.” Randeep said and stopped walking. He kept looking at the sea.

Smruti was inundated with several thoughts. The mind was directionless. She was finding it difficult to analyze these equations. She then smiled, to get out some of the emptiness. Everything would be easier that way.

“Relationships are so intricate, Randeep. Look at this sea. It is very true to itself. And gets what it wants. Why don’t we get what we want?” Smruti spoke calmly.

Randeep looked at her.

“Love is by far the most destructive thing that can happen to mankind. I am not sure whether Samrat loved me or you. But I feel he wanted us to be happy. He spread happiness.”

She further said, “I never had the guts to tell him that I loved him. It would have spoilt our friendship. But I never knew about your part of the story. And I feel bad for my behavior. I never gave you an opportunity to express yourself.”

Randeep felt that it was the right time to ask her. “If I may ask, have you ever felt the same feelings for me?”

She smiled and laughed, wholeheartedly. “Randeep,” she took a deep breathe, “I am clueless about love now. After Samrat went away from our lives, I was broken into pieces. I was also broken that day when I first came to know about your feelings for Samrat.”

It was a Valentine’s  Day and Smruti gave a surprise visit to Randeep’s house with flower in her hands. She had planned to visit Samrat’s house along with Randeep. The door of Randeep’s bedroom was open. She went inside and saw a bouquet of red roses. There was a letter beneath written with a neat handwriting.

Dear Sally,

I really don’t need a special day to express my feelings for you. I just want to say, thank you. Thank you for accepting me as a friend even after knowing everything about my feelings for you. Thank you for being with me when the times were difficult and things were messed up. Thank you for keeping this friendship alive. When I talk to you, I am happy. Because you listen, and my words find a home. You have given me all the happiness I wanted by your mere presence in my life.

I don’t believe in reincarnation. But if I get another birth, I won’t be able to stay away from you then.

Thank you. I love you very much. Always.

Happy Valentine’s day!

Randeep

Smruti read the letter twice. She was numbed for sometime after reading it. And the memory about those moments now benumbs her mind again.

“I don’t know whether I can have the same feelings for you. You are a wonderful man, Randeep. But I am not sure whether it can work out. The feeling of you in love with another man breaks me. And more than him being a man, I cannot share the love which I deserve with anyone else.”

The waves were making louder noise now. The air currents became stronger. The trees were dancing and the winds were blowing to and fro.

“Strange weather,” Randeep said. “We should leave now. I feel it may rain.”

All strange things are happening today, Smruti thought. “Okay. Let’s go.” She said.

They turned back and came walking on the road. Randeep starting looking out for rickshaws but couldn’t find them. The road was deserted.

Suddenly Smruti saw someone walking towards them from far distance. Randeep saw that person too. He was a man draped in a black jacket. They couldn’t recognize him from the distance. But he kept walking towards them.

As he came closer, Smruti was swept off her feet. “He is Sally! Our Salamander.” She screamed on top of her voice. “Randeep, he is our Samrat!”

Randeep couldn’t believe that he was Samrat. Smruti ran towards Samrat’s direction. Randeep stood there itself. Still. Emotionless.

Smruti and Samrat came closer and stopped at a distance. Tears rolled down her face as she saw him. Samrat was looking fresh and there was a pleasant smile on his face.

The last firework of the Diwali night burst out in the sky, spreading color and cheer and liveliness.