Kuch Luv Jaisa - Part 10

It was the midnight. Moonlight was spread in the darkness of the room. Smruti was not able to sleep though. She was trying hard but she couldn’t. Her conscience was constantly fighting with her mind, soul and body.

She knew what to do now. She had realized her journey ahead. And that was the most difficult part for her to accept. Such a difficult crossroad, she thought.

She had decided to part away from her husband and her daughter. Her mind was filled with numerous thoughts. She felt that it would absolutely unfair on her part to lead a peaceful, married life with Dev thereafter. He had accepted her but deep down, within his soul, he was hurt and cheated.

The stars were invisible in the moonlit night. One day or the other, the brightness of the brightest star will fade away. That is their destiny. She saw herself in the mirror. Even her beauty will disappear with age. Not only her beauty but even she might die one day. That’s inevitable.

But today, she could be doing injustice not only with her husband and daughter by staying with them but also with her own self. She knew that she loved Samrat. But then, living a life with him would be practically impossible. Her love for Samrat was like a fish in a fish tank. We never let the fish come out of the tank because we fear that doing this might affect his life. Hence, we care for him and feed him. We love him.

But then would it be possible for her to forget Dev and Rhea? Absolutely not. It will be extremely difficult. I think that will be the best punishment for me, she thought.

Yes, Dev didn’t punish me. But I will punish myself. It is the only way for me to punish myself for the mistake I have done. But was it really a mistake? Is loving someone, after marriage, a mistake?

She had no answers for the innumerable questions she had in her mind.

She packed her bag and belongings. I have to live this life myself. Alone. That’s my punishment. I don’t deserve to be with Dev. He has been a God for me. Even God has his ways of punishing us. But Dev accepted me. No, this is not right. I don’t deserve this. She was constantly talking to herself.

Every moment was passing by like a phase for her. But the more she thought of the path she had chosen, the closer she came to her inner soul. It might be like running away from the reality, but sometimes, that’s the best possible path.

She looked at Dev. He was asleep. Tears came down her cheeks. She wiped them off. She wrote on the notepad, on the desk near to their bed.

I have chosen the last option which you had told me. No, I am not going out with Samrat. I think I don’t deserve to be even with him, just as with you.

I know I have loved a man, other than you. I don’t know how it happened. But it was love. We not only shared our bodies but also our souls. However, I think that’s the biggest mistake I have done in my life.

I loved you not just because you are my husband. I loved you as a man in my life, as a person who I have always admired. And I will always do so.

But I have betrayed your trust, your love. I will not apologize as I think I have lost the right to do so. But I will just tell you that don’t be so nice with the people you love. They don’t deserve your love and affection. Especially, me.

I don’t know where I am heading. But I have decided to go on a path that gives me peace. Staying with you and Rhea would be an injustice to both of you.

I also know that this decision of mine would be selfish. Because I know Rhea needs me just as you. But I believe this is the best punishment I can get for my deeds. That’s my way to forgive myself and bring me closer to my own self.

As for Rhea, I know you will always be there for her. You are free to love and marry again someone…may be a person who loves you the same way you loved me.

If possible, in life ahead, at least for a moment, do forgive me for taking this step.

Take care and lots of love to Rhea.

Smruti

She went to Rhea’s room. She was sleeping beside Daaiji. Smruti kissed her gently on her forehead. It reminded her of all those beautiful moments she had shared with her lovely daughter.

With a heavy heart, she left the house.

The next morning, Samrat and Kunal were waiting at the Wadala Police Station, to get the permission to meet Pooja once.

After about an hour later, the inspector told them, ‘Only one person can meet.’

Kunal signaled Samrat to go and meet Pooja. Samrat went in.             

Pooja was sitting on a chair beside a wooden table. She had a serene look on her face. Her eyeballs were transfixed at something outside the window as she sat on the chair. She had not shown any emotions on her face while aiming at Rajashri or while revealing the real truth to Dev. Her emotions had all dried up.

The only thing which she kept thinking was about Samrat’s safety. Her world had no more meaning left. She had lost herself completely to her selfless love for Samrat.

Samrat was the only name which she spoke of when someone asked her about how she was.

Samrat came in. He looked at her face.

For a moment, he felt utterly helpless. Pooja was not only his best friend but also someone who was the reason behind his success until their graduation. Both of them were always inseparable.

But not any more. Tears came through his eyes.

How could I never understand that she has started loving me, he thought. Never did she make me feel that she loves me so much. Instead she always did what I wished for. She brought me closer to Smruti ma’am. And the murder.

The thought made him more nervous.

He went ahead and sat in front of her. She looked at him.

For the first time after all the flurry of incidents, she started crying like a small baby. Tears rolled down her cheeks as she saw him. Samrat held her face to wipe her tears. It didn’t help. She was crying and crying.

‘Don’t cry so much. There won’t be any more tears left with you then.’

She looked at him again.

‘I am sorry, Sam. I shouldn’t have done this. I shouldn’t have.’

‘Oh, stop it. I am not here for any explanation. I don’t need it.’

‘But I want to say. Don’t stop me today or else I will die with so many things hidden inside me.’

Samrat kept looking at her. He held her hands. ‘Ok. Say what you want to say.’

‘Sam, I don’t know what exactly happened to me but I couldn’t see Rajashri knowing everything and bursting out with anger. I felt that if she tells any one person about it then it would spread like anything. I never wanted it.’

‘I wanted you and Smruti ma’am to have your life in peace. I wanted you to get her.’

‘Why didn’t you ever tell me that’, he said nervously, ‘that you loved me so much? Why did you hide your feelings? It means you never really considered me as your best friend.’

‘Yes, you are right. I never considered you as my best friend. I considered you as my God.’

He kept looking at her as she spoke.

‘I loved you, Sam. But I knew that this love had no meaning. You never had the same feelings for me. You had only one name in your mind and that was Smruti.’

‘But I never felt that I should try to gain you in my life by any means. Loving someone doesn’t always mean gaining and achieving that person in your life. For me, it has always been like seeing that person happy. Then it doesn’t matter whether he is aware of my love or not.’

‘I used to die every moment when you used to express your love for Smruti ma’am in front of me. But somehow I used to explain myself that what I am thinking is not possible. I should not love you so much and never tell you about it.’

‘I always wanted to see you happy. I would, in fact, love to see you getting her in your life, if it is possible by any ways. Your happiness is the key of my life.’

‘Anyway my life has messed up now. I will never be able to forgive myself for bringing Rajashri into all this. I have to pay the costs of her life.’ She started crying more while thinking of Rajashri.

Samrat was short of words. But finally, he spoke and told her the news which he had come to give her.

‘Yes, you need to be punished. And me too.’

‘Why you?’

‘Because even I am equally responsible for all this. In fact, I am the sole responsible person for this mess in your and Smruti’s life. I am responsible for Rajashri’s death.’

‘I know I loved Smruti but I shouldn’t have spoiled her life. I have broken her marriage.’

‘But I don’t want to commit any further mistakes. Smruti has resigned from QIT and she has messaged me that she never wants to see me again.’

Pooja had a shocked expression on her face.

‘I tried to reach her but she didn’t pick up my call. Later I heard that her cell was switched off.’

‘So? Now what?’

‘Now…nothing.’

‘Don’t you want to get her in your life?’

‘It will be like screwing things further. She has shed enough tears because of me. I don’t want to see her in more trouble.’

‘So will you never meet her again? How will you live without her?’

‘I don’t know.’

Both of them kept looking at each other. He finally said, ‘Will you help me to live then?’

‘Huh? What do you mean?’

He smiled a bit. ‘I mean, will you help me in living this life? Won’t you help your God in this?’

‘And how can I do that?’

‘By being mine forever.’

Pooja didn’t know what to say further. Before she said anything, he asked her, ‘Will you marry me?’

Life, sometimes, has the most unusual way of bestowing things on you. This was a very unusual moment for both of them. It was, however, destined to happen.

‘But you don’t even love me, Sam. What’s the use of us being together?’

‘You love me. And that’s enough for me to be with you. And then it is always better to live a life with someone who loves you more than you love that person, isn’t it?’

Pooja’s joy knew no bounds. However, she knew that the things would be difficult.

‘Why do you want to punish yourself, Sam? And then I don’t know how and when I will come out of this case.’

‘Don’t worry about it. I will wait for you. I am not saying that I have stopped loving Smruti anymore. But some things are just not possible in our lives. She came like a phase and left. That was love for sure. Not just lust. However, now I have only memories. That’s it.’

‘Mom and your parents are trying for your bail and you might soon come out from here. Yes, the case will continue. But then would you mind if I am with you throughout this ordeal?’

He winked and she smiled.

‘Are you sure?’ She asked.

‘Yes.’ He said and asked her, ‘What about you?’

Both burst into laughter. 

Somehow, Kunal got the permission and came in. Both of them saw him. He had a wide smile on his face.

‘Congrats!’ he said, ‘but a very unusual place to ask a girl out, Sam!’

They were all smiles.

And this was a beginning of a new phase in their lives. Samrat, certainly, would never be able to love Pooja the way he had loved Smruti. But, he would live a satisfied life as he would have a partner who loves him more than anyone else in the world.

Life is all about permutations and combinations of the moments. Each moment sprawls a new challenge in front of us and we have to either live it or leave it. It is better to live it than leave it because living the moment will only help you to live the life ahead. Yes, a beautiful life!

A couple of months later, Smruti goes back to her home. It is Daaiji who convinces her and brings her back. And Rhea gets her mother back. But the distance which had been created between Smruti and Dev would, perhaps, never be lessened anytime in future.

Memories, however, remain. Even today, a moment does come and remind both of them, Smruti and Samrat, of the relation they had shared. But, even today, they can’t describe it. They can call it something like love…Kuch Luv Jaisaa…