The Catalogue - Part 2

‘Hello, Mom’.

‘Yes, Nishi beta. Tell me. How is it going? How are you?’

‘Aayi, I am all good.’ Aayi was the Marathi word for mother and Nishigandha had always referred to her mom using the same word.

‘I am all good, Aayi. Everything is fine here. Today is Sunday. So I and Rhea will be cooking some real good food for lunch.’ Rhea was Nishigandha’s room-mate at her flat in Kandivali, a crowded suburb in Mumbai.

‘That’s good. Eat good food beta. Don’t neglect your health at all. And how was the first week at office? How are the people?’

‘All is really good Aayi. Don’t worry. My team has many people who are very senior to me and highly experienced. I am sure I will get to learn a lot.’

‘Ok. And will they give you leaves easily?’

Nishi smiled. Her mother could sense her warm smile even on the call.

‘Yes Aayi. Don’t worry about it. I will certainly get leave whenever it is required.’ Nishi tried to explain her mother. She could feel that her mother was missing her a lot.

‘Ok Nishi. Take good care. Do well in your work. You have always been a winner in all walks of your life. Just keep it up. Don’t worry about us. I and your Baba are very proud of you. And don’t waste money in calling us every now and then. One call per week would be fine. Save money for yourself. Did you get my point?’

‘Oh yes, Aayi. Absolutely.’

The call ended. The mother had tears in her eyes. Her only daughter was far from her and staying in a big city like Mumbai. The thought had always troubled her. But she never wanted to discourage her child. The worry was not about her staying away from her daughter. The worry was about Nishi’s journey in Mumbai. In four years at Pune, Nishi was a student and there was Nishi’s aunt, her mother’s sister, to look after her. Even though Nishi stayed at girl's hostel, the aunt used to call her every now and then. But today, she is all alone in Mumbai.

When Nishi came home with some fruits she had bought from the market, she saw Rhea cooking in the kitchen.

‘Hey baby, come. Smell. I am making your favorite pizza.’ Rhea called from the kitchen. She was wearing a round-neck shirt and a half pant while Nishigandha was in a salwaar kameez, a traditional Indian wear for girls.

‘Oh god. Rhea, there was no need for it, dear.’ She spoke as she headed to the kitchen.

‘Absolutely, there is! I know how to cook pizzas. And you love pizzas. So here I am, cooking one for you. Of course, for me too!’

Nishi heard Rhea’s mobile phone ringing in her bedroom. When Rhea was back in the kitchen after attending the call, Nishi asked, ‘Rhea, if you want to go out somewhere, you please go. It’s ok. I will cook the food.’

‘Hey girl, if I want to go out I will definitely go. Don’t worry about it. Remember, we had discussed this on the very first day itself. There won’t be any formalities. We both will guard each other’s space and freedom. As simple as that!’

‘Hmm.’ Nishi smiled.

‘It was Jai. He is the one who had joined with me.’ Rhea was telling her about the call.

‘Ohk. Someone has started getting calls from office guys already.’ Nishi teased Rhea.

‘Yes. He is really hot. Greek-god looks. He is keeping a track on me since the day one.’ She winked and both started laughing and gave a high-five to each other.

Rhea was way different personality than Nishigandha. Rhea was more of a Mumbai’s girl. She was bolder and a complete extrovert. Flirting with guys was her pastime. But at the same time, she was a dominant, strong woman. She had once slapped a guy hard in her junior college when he had tried to touch her college friend in an inappropriate way. She had abused him so much that the guy was never seen in the college after that day.

She was a Christian by religion and her father, Peter D’souza stayed in Goa. Rhea had been placed at a media and event organizing firm at Andheri in Mumbai.

She had met Nishigandha through a mutual friend who was studying with Nishigandha at her Pune’s Engineering College. It was financially convenient for both the girls to share the apartment which they were currently staying at Kandivali.

Nishigandha’s professional life was speeding fast. The training was over and she had started working on a project. Her manager and the team lead had all good things to say about her. Her team had ten members out of which one was Durvesh, a guy who had joined the team with her.

The other day, while she was going through some Java code which her team lead had given her, Durvesh pinged her on their internal messenger.

Durvesh: Coffee?

Nishigandha: Sure. Two minutes.

Both were sitting in the spacious cafeteria of Sunrise Technologies Development’s Center’s wing. There were many people around. Nishi was looking out from the window at the sky.

‘It seems it would rain today.’ She said.

‘Yes, even I think so.' He said. He looked at her and asked, ‘Nishi, don’t you miss your parents?’

‘Of course, I do, Devarsh. But I am now very well used to staying away from them. Probably, my life during engineering days at Pune had taught me that. You can't always stay with your parents. Your studies or work or marriage will take you away from them some day or the other, especially if it's a girl.’ She spoke confidently as she drank all her coffee.

‘That’s good. The other girls should actually learn a thing or two from you.’

Nisha laughed. ‘Forget it. So what’s your plan for this weekend?’

‘We have a football match at a ground near my residence. It would be interesting.’

‘Oh, that’s good.’

‘What else to do? I don’t have a girlfriend to hang out with!’ Devarsh winked at Nishi. She was looking admiringly beautiful in the formal attire, he thought.

‘Oh really? Then what have you done all your life so far? Shame on you!’ She spoke and laughed and left from there.

Devarsh kept on looking at her direction.

‘True. Let’s see what’s in store for me ahead!’ He thought.

As she returned to her work desk, a surprise was waiting for her. Her team lead had dropped in a message to see him before she leaves for the day. As she went at his cubicle, she got the news from him. She was the one amongst the five-member team that would be working on a U.S. based project from the subsequent week. And that would imply frequent journeys to Denver and NYC in U.S. She was the only junior who got an opportunity to be a part of the team.

Nishi was very happy with this news. On her way back to her apartment, she got a message from Devarsh, ‘Congratulations!’

Rhea treated her with some Chinese food that night.

Before sleeping, she came to Rhea’s room to search for a novel which she had kept in her room the previous night. Rhea was watching a movie on her laptop in the living room. Nishi could not find the book on the desk. As she opened her cupboard and started searching, Rhea’s bag fell down and things inside the bag were all over the floor.

Nishi sat down to put everything inside. But, one of the things caught her attention. She was shocked. It was a pack of condoms.

She knew the fact that Rhea was way too ahead than her in many facets of life. But she had not known this aspect of Rhea. However, it is Rhea’s life, she thought. She should not interfere with it.

However, she kept on thinking about it later that night.

Nishi had a habit to write her daily dairy before sleeping. She would always make it a point to fill it every night. Even if it is a one line thing to write, she never skipped writing it. Tonight, she wrote about her new project and how happy Rhea was for her. At the end, she wrote about the new discovery which she had found, about her room-mate.

She looked out of the window. It was a full moon that night, shining. Today witnessed a small but first of the successes of her professional life. She looked back at her diary and ended the page with her signature.

Nishigandha Dixit.

The Catalogue - Part 1

‘The train arriving on platform number two is a 7.51 am fast train for Churchgate.’

An announcement in a melodious voice was made at the Kandivali station and repeated the same in Marathi and Hindi. The platform was flooded by the people. It was the beginning of a busy day for the people in the city of Mumbai. The people were in a hurry to catch the trains on time. The trains were full with an abundance of the city dwellers.

‘Where will the ladies’ coach arrive?’ 

A lady, in a formal shirt and trousers, was standing with a bit of confusion on her face. With tightly clutched hair at her back, she stood with a bag on her shoulders and an umbrella in her right hand. She was fair and her face had an inherent charming appeal to it. She looked extremely beautiful amongst numerous ladies standing on the platform to catch the train.

‘Here. Just stand here. Ladies’ coach will come here itself.’ Another lady standing next to her told her. Hearing that, she stood still and started looking at the direction of the train. Her eyes were sparkling grey. They looked lively on her beautiful face. She wore a confused look at the moment. She was continuously looking for the arrival of the train. With another glance, she looked around her. ‘So many people’, she thought. Will I get to board the train?

She looked at her watch. It was 8.00 am. She was supposed to reach her office at Bandra by 9.00 am. Somehow she thought she would be late. The train has not arrived yet. And the platform is full with the people. What if I get late today? What impression will it leave for a new joinee and that too a fresher, to be late to the office on the very first day?

And the train arrived. People literally jumped inside. She was fortunate enough to somehow get in. It took around forty minutes to reach the Bandra station. As she walked out of the station, many eyes, especially of men, followed her. She had a slim posture and looked extremely fit. If Kareena Kapoor had brought in the concept of size zero in India then here was a beautiful example of the same. She was, probably, accustomed to the men-staring-at-her thing. Men, anyway, keep looking at each and every lady passing by. And here was a 20-something, beautiful, formally dressed, charming lady walking on the streets of Bandra.

The city is full of people, she thought. A group of pigeons, she saw, flew out into the sky, their wings making the sound of wind; they criss-crossed each other and made for the west. There was an extraordinary sky today: a bright, deep blue like butterfly wing, with streaks of orange that reached towards the west; it was framed by one of the arches. The arrival of monsoons was evident since there were dark clouds arriving from the west. No one seemed to have noticed; there were trains to be caught. But the lady observed the beauty of the sky and smiled.

It was still fifteen more minutes for 9.00 am. As she walked along the road, she looked straight and around. The city, she observed, was moving very fast. The vehicles, the people, the shop keepers, the hawkers, everyone seemed to be in a hurry to reach their destinations. It was not that they were completely indifferent towards others around but they hardly cared for anything. It echoed their will to start a yet another busy day in the commercial capital of the country.

All of a sudden, she remembered the day when she was at her home at Malvan, a small town in the Konkan area of Maharashtra. A friend, Sakshi had called her. ‘Nishi, yes, you!! You have cracked Sunrise Technologies. They have selected only you. Congratulations!!!’ The news had spread like fire. Her mother was very proud of her. With tears in her eyes, she had kissed her forehead and said, ‘Your father would have been so proud today.’

Malvan was a growing town along the western coast of Maharashtra. It belonged to the Konkan belt of the Western part of India. Nishi had graduated with a Computer Engineering degree from the University of Pune, the city where she had spent four years of her life in a girls’ hostel. She was born and brought up at Malvan. Her grandmother was a teacher at a school in the village. The old lady always wanted her granddaughter to study further and become highly successful in her life. She was a prime trigger in sending Nishi to Pune from Konkan for her further studies post her twelfth standard. And today, her granddaughter was beginning a new corporate life in the city of Mumbai.

She looked at her watch again. It was ten minutes to go for 9.00 am. ‘Bandra Kurla Complex’, she asked the auto-rickshaw driver. The driver nodded and she sat in. As the rickshaw drove her along the road, she looked out. The wind was mesmerizing and chilling. It heralded the beginning of the monsoons. The air, she thought, was bringing in a breeze of hope and spirit for her. She simply fell in love with the weather.

As she entered the entrance of Sunrise Technologies, she was asked for her identity card. ‘New joinee’, she said. The security guard performed the security check and let her in. She walked in the direction of her office. There were plenty of formally attired men and women walking around; some were simply walking, some were in BMWs and the other cars, while some in auto-rickshaws. The air had a corporate feel in it. She was not nervous at all.

The day, after all, had finally arrived for her. As she took the turn to another entrance, there appeared the huge building. On top of it was written in bold letters, with a logo, SUNRISE TECHNOLOGIES.

Sunrise Technologies was one of the top notch IT Companies in India and rated extensively in the top five. Over the years, it had brought in a lot of outsourcing projects for the Indian IT sector and became one of the premier IT service organizations of India. Getting a job at Sunrise was a golden opportunity, be it for a fresher or an experienced professional.

She looked at the poster and the letters. She stood there for a while. The words signaled the beginning of a new phase in her life. She was excited, very excited. There were abundant hopes in her eyes. There were many dreams to reach the top, to become highly successful. There were many plans and ideas. Finally her knowledge of computers and programming was about to get implemented. She always wanted to be a Software Engineer. She had high ambitions in the field of software development and the path was about to begin. She was beaming with pride.

She signed in at the security office of the main building. The man at the counter couldn’t pronounce her name right. He read it out. ‘Nishi...what?’ he asked.

‘It’s Nishigandha. Nishigandha Dixit.’

Kuch Luv Jaisa - Part 10

It was the midnight. Moonlight was spread in the darkness of the room. Smruti was not able to sleep though. She was trying hard but she couldn’t. Her conscience was constantly fighting with her mind, soul and body.

She knew what to do now. She had realized her journey ahead. And that was the most difficult part for her to accept. Such a difficult crossroad, she thought.

She had decided to part away from her husband and her daughter. Her mind was filled with numerous thoughts. She felt that it would absolutely unfair on her part to lead a peaceful, married life with Dev thereafter. He had accepted her but deep down, within his soul, he was hurt and cheated.

The stars were invisible in the moonlit night. One day or the other, the brightness of the brightest star will fade away. That is their destiny. She saw herself in the mirror. Even her beauty will disappear with age. Not only her beauty but even she might die one day. That’s inevitable.

But today, she could be doing injustice not only with her husband and daughter by staying with them but also with her own self. She knew that she loved Samrat. But then, living a life with him would be practically impossible. Her love for Samrat was like a fish in a fish tank. We never let the fish come out of the tank because we fear that doing this might affect his life. Hence, we care for him and feed him. We love him.

But then would it be possible for her to forget Dev and Rhea? Absolutely not. It will be extremely difficult. I think that will be the best punishment for me, she thought.

Yes, Dev didn’t punish me. But I will punish myself. It is the only way for me to punish myself for the mistake I have done. But was it really a mistake? Is loving someone, after marriage, a mistake?

She had no answers for the innumerable questions she had in her mind.

She packed her bag and belongings. I have to live this life myself. Alone. That’s my punishment. I don’t deserve to be with Dev. He has been a God for me. Even God has his ways of punishing us. But Dev accepted me. No, this is not right. I don’t deserve this. She was constantly talking to herself.

Every moment was passing by like a phase for her. But the more she thought of the path she had chosen, the closer she came to her inner soul. It might be like running away from the reality, but sometimes, that’s the best possible path.

She looked at Dev. He was asleep. Tears came down her cheeks. She wiped them off. She wrote on the notepad, on the desk near to their bed.

I have chosen the last option which you had told me. No, I am not going out with Samrat. I think I don’t deserve to be even with him, just as with you.

I know I have loved a man, other than you. I don’t know how it happened. But it was love. We not only shared our bodies but also our souls. However, I think that’s the biggest mistake I have done in my life.

I loved you not just because you are my husband. I loved you as a man in my life, as a person who I have always admired. And I will always do so.

But I have betrayed your trust, your love. I will not apologize as I think I have lost the right to do so. But I will just tell you that don’t be so nice with the people you love. They don’t deserve your love and affection. Especially, me.

I don’t know where I am heading. But I have decided to go on a path that gives me peace. Staying with you and Rhea would be an injustice to both of you.

I also know that this decision of mine would be selfish. Because I know Rhea needs me just as you. But I believe this is the best punishment I can get for my deeds. That’s my way to forgive myself and bring me closer to my own self.

As for Rhea, I know you will always be there for her. You are free to love and marry again someone…may be a person who loves you the same way you loved me.

If possible, in life ahead, at least for a moment, do forgive me for taking this step.

Take care and lots of love to Rhea.

Smruti

She went to Rhea’s room. She was sleeping beside Daaiji. Smruti kissed her gently on her forehead. It reminded her of all those beautiful moments she had shared with her lovely daughter.

With a heavy heart, she left the house.

The next morning, Samrat and Kunal were waiting at the Wadala Police Station, to get the permission to meet Pooja once.

After about an hour later, the inspector told them, ‘Only one person can meet.’

Kunal signaled Samrat to go and meet Pooja. Samrat went in.             

Pooja was sitting on a chair beside a wooden table. She had a serene look on her face. Her eyeballs were transfixed at something outside the window as she sat on the chair. She had not shown any emotions on her face while aiming at Rajashri or while revealing the real truth to Dev. Her emotions had all dried up.

The only thing which she kept thinking was about Samrat’s safety. Her world had no more meaning left. She had lost herself completely to her selfless love for Samrat.

Samrat was the only name which she spoke of when someone asked her about how she was.

Samrat came in. He looked at her face.

For a moment, he felt utterly helpless. Pooja was not only his best friend but also someone who was the reason behind his success until their graduation. Both of them were always inseparable.

But not any more. Tears came through his eyes.

How could I never understand that she has started loving me, he thought. Never did she make me feel that she loves me so much. Instead she always did what I wished for. She brought me closer to Smruti ma’am. And the murder.

The thought made him more nervous.

He went ahead and sat in front of her. She looked at him.

For the first time after all the flurry of incidents, she started crying like a small baby. Tears rolled down her cheeks as she saw him. Samrat held her face to wipe her tears. It didn’t help. She was crying and crying.

‘Don’t cry so much. There won’t be any more tears left with you then.’

She looked at him again.

‘I am sorry, Sam. I shouldn’t have done this. I shouldn’t have.’

‘Oh, stop it. I am not here for any explanation. I don’t need it.’

‘But I want to say. Don’t stop me today or else I will die with so many things hidden inside me.’

Samrat kept looking at her. He held her hands. ‘Ok. Say what you want to say.’

‘Sam, I don’t know what exactly happened to me but I couldn’t see Rajashri knowing everything and bursting out with anger. I felt that if she tells any one person about it then it would spread like anything. I never wanted it.’

‘I wanted you and Smruti ma’am to have your life in peace. I wanted you to get her.’

‘Why didn’t you ever tell me that’, he said nervously, ‘that you loved me so much? Why did you hide your feelings? It means you never really considered me as your best friend.’

‘Yes, you are right. I never considered you as my best friend. I considered you as my God.’

He kept looking at her as she spoke.

‘I loved you, Sam. But I knew that this love had no meaning. You never had the same feelings for me. You had only one name in your mind and that was Smruti.’

‘But I never felt that I should try to gain you in my life by any means. Loving someone doesn’t always mean gaining and achieving that person in your life. For me, it has always been like seeing that person happy. Then it doesn’t matter whether he is aware of my love or not.’

‘I used to die every moment when you used to express your love for Smruti ma’am in front of me. But somehow I used to explain myself that what I am thinking is not possible. I should not love you so much and never tell you about it.’

‘I always wanted to see you happy. I would, in fact, love to see you getting her in your life, if it is possible by any ways. Your happiness is the key of my life.’

‘Anyway my life has messed up now. I will never be able to forgive myself for bringing Rajashri into all this. I have to pay the costs of her life.’ She started crying more while thinking of Rajashri.

Samrat was short of words. But finally, he spoke and told her the news which he had come to give her.

‘Yes, you need to be punished. And me too.’

‘Why you?’

‘Because even I am equally responsible for all this. In fact, I am the sole responsible person for this mess in your and Smruti’s life. I am responsible for Rajashri’s death.’

‘I know I loved Smruti but I shouldn’t have spoiled her life. I have broken her marriage.’

‘But I don’t want to commit any further mistakes. Smruti has resigned from QIT and she has messaged me that she never wants to see me again.’

Pooja had a shocked expression on her face.

‘I tried to reach her but she didn’t pick up my call. Later I heard that her cell was switched off.’

‘So? Now what?’

‘Now…nothing.’

‘Don’t you want to get her in your life?’

‘It will be like screwing things further. She has shed enough tears because of me. I don’t want to see her in more trouble.’

‘So will you never meet her again? How will you live without her?’

‘I don’t know.’

Both of them kept looking at each other. He finally said, ‘Will you help me to live then?’

‘Huh? What do you mean?’

He smiled a bit. ‘I mean, will you help me in living this life? Won’t you help your God in this?’

‘And how can I do that?’

‘By being mine forever.’

Pooja didn’t know what to say further. Before she said anything, he asked her, ‘Will you marry me?’

Life, sometimes, has the most unusual way of bestowing things on you. This was a very unusual moment for both of them. It was, however, destined to happen.

‘But you don’t even love me, Sam. What’s the use of us being together?’

‘You love me. And that’s enough for me to be with you. And then it is always better to live a life with someone who loves you more than you love that person, isn’t it?’

Pooja’s joy knew no bounds. However, she knew that the things would be difficult.

‘Why do you want to punish yourself, Sam? And then I don’t know how and when I will come out of this case.’

‘Don’t worry about it. I will wait for you. I am not saying that I have stopped loving Smruti anymore. But some things are just not possible in our lives. She came like a phase and left. That was love for sure. Not just lust. However, now I have only memories. That’s it.’

‘Mom and your parents are trying for your bail and you might soon come out from here. Yes, the case will continue. But then would you mind if I am with you throughout this ordeal?’

He winked and she smiled.

‘Are you sure?’ She asked.

‘Yes.’ He said and asked her, ‘What about you?’

Both burst into laughter. 

Somehow, Kunal got the permission and came in. Both of them saw him. He had a wide smile on his face.

‘Congrats!’ he said, ‘but a very unusual place to ask a girl out, Sam!’

They were all smiles.

And this was a beginning of a new phase in their lives. Samrat, certainly, would never be able to love Pooja the way he had loved Smruti. But, he would live a satisfied life as he would have a partner who loves him more than anyone else in the world.

Life is all about permutations and combinations of the moments. Each moment sprawls a new challenge in front of us and we have to either live it or leave it. It is better to live it than leave it because living the moment will only help you to live the life ahead. Yes, a beautiful life!

A couple of months later, Smruti goes back to her home. It is Daaiji who convinces her and brings her back. And Rhea gets her mother back. But the distance which had been created between Smruti and Dev would, perhaps, never be lessened anytime in future.

Memories, however, remain. Even today, a moment does come and remind both of them, Smruti and Samrat, of the relation they had shared. But, even today, they can’t describe it. They can call it something like love…Kuch Luv Jaisaa…

Kuch Luv Jaisa - Part 9

The door was open. Smruti came in. Rhea was playing in the garden with her friends and Daaiji. Smruti was confused by the way things were shaping up. She was supposed to be at Wadala Police Station as she was asked to be present there. But, while she was at Juhu Beach with Samrat, Dev had called her up.

‘Come back home. No need to go to police station now.’ He had said.

‘How do you know that I have been called at police station?’ She had questioned him, with a confused mind. A part of her was trembling with the thought of the events that might have happened while she was sitting beside Samrat at Juhu Beach.

‘I know everything. I will tell you. Not on phone. Come home. I am waiting.’ And he had cut the call. Even Samrat couldn’t understand why Dev had called her home. And how Dev got to know that she was summoned to the police station?

However, this time Smruti had not wasted any time. She had immediately left from there. She had not even said a ‘bye’ to Samrat. Samrat kept looking at her as she went out of sight on the beach.

‘Hey, when did you come? I took a small nap. Rhea just went down with Daaiji.’ Dev came in the living room where Smruti was sitting on the sofa. He sat beside her.

‘I just came few minutes back.’

‘Ok. What happened?’ He kept looking at her. ‘Should I make some tea? Your favorite one, green tea?’

‘No. I am alright. Just a bit tired. You tell me. Why did you call me back? And how did you know that I was supposed to be at police station?’

Dev gave her a naughty smile. ‘So many questions? One at a time please!’ Smruti was in no mood to smile. Catching her serene look, he broke the ice. ‘Ok. I will tell you everything. But first you relax.’

‘I am all relaxed. Just tell me what is it.’

‘Yes. The thing is that I had been to the same police station. They have found the culprit. And hence, you were not required there.’

Smruti couldn’t believe what she was hearing. ‘Found the culprit? Who? Who is that person, Dev?’

‘I was shocked myself when I heard it for the first time but then that’s the truth. And it is more shocking when you don’t know the reason behind the happening.’

‘I am not getting you at all. What are you saying? Please be a bit frank and clearer, will you?’

‘Alright.’ He took a deep breath and said, ‘It is Pooja. Pooja had shot at Rajashri at Manali hotel that day.’

Smruti was in absolute shock. She couldn’t believe his words.

‘I know it is hard to believe. But she had confessed her crime in front of the senior police inspector. The reason, however, she gave in front of them is unbelievable. She said that she didn’t like Rajashri at all. And that’s why she had decided to kill her.’

‘That’s so strange. And not true at all. I mean she didn’t dislike Rajashri. There is some other reason…’ She suddenly paused. Dev might be unaware of what Rajashri saw in the hotel, she thought. She didn’t say anything further.

Dev looked at her. She was shocked. Her eyes were saying a hell lot of things. There was, also, a tinge of guilt in her eyes. Her face was sunken and tired. Somehow the beauty was fading away from her face.

He stood up and went near the window. The breeze was cool and the air filled the room. He looked at the mountains far away. There were birds coming in flocks and flying away. Their togetherness was so inspiring, he thought.

‘However, I know the truth. The truth behind this fiasco.’ He finally said.

She looked at him. Her eyes had become watery.

‘I know why Pooja had killed Rajashri. Do you know why?’

Smruti had no answer. The words benumbed her mind. She couldn’t speak to react or reply. But somehow, she said in a very weak voice, ‘Why?’

‘Because she loved Samrat. Yes, Pooja was in love with Samrat. It was a selfless love. She knew that he would never love her back. But still she kept loving him. She kept thinking about him. She could do anything for him. She knew that she will never get anything in return. But that didn’t stop her from loving him.’

Smruti kept looking at him as he spoke further.

‘She was the best girl I have seen. But she shouldn’t have killed Rajashri. She loved Samrat so much that the thought of Rajashri knowing about you and Samrat, together in a hotel room didn't go down well with her.’

That was it. Smruti now realized that her husband is aware of every single thing that has happened in the past few weeks. But he never made her feel that he knew it.

‘Pooja knew that Samrat loved you. And that he will never love any other woman, this way again. But that didn’t change her feelings towards him.’

‘That day, she was also present on the same floor. She had seen Rajashri screaming at Samrat, ‘how dare you do this? Do you have any shame left? I will tell everyone how disgusting and shameless you guys have become. Sleeping with a professor? Never thought that you would fall down to such an extent.’ She couldn’t bear the fact that now Rajashri was aware of everything and seen you both together in that hotel room.

‘She thought that if Rajashri tells it to anyone else, it will be the biggest shame for you and Samrat. So she thought, it would be better to kill her and close the chapter, once and for all.’

‘There was a revolver in a room beside the pillar where she was standing. I don’t know how she found it. Before Rajashri could protest further, she took the aim and hit at her. She ran away from there. Samrat couldn’t run behind her to find out who actually did this as Rajashri was shot at her head, near her brain.’

Tears were flowing out from her eyes as Smruti listened to her husband unraveling the entire incident which had happened in the Manali Hotel during QIT’ industrial visit and which had made a big talking in many newspapers and news channels for some days.

‘She shouldn’t have done it. I think her childish mind took over her love as she aimed at Rajashri. Her love for Samrat made her do it. It was a foolish act. She could have possibly explained it to Rajashri to keep the things hidden. But her love and fear of you both getting exposed made her do it.’

Smruti was just crying.

‘Please stop crying. And say something.’

‘Who told you all this?’ She asked.

‘Pooja, herself. Before arresting her, there was some time given to her to meet her people. That time she came and spoke to me. There was not a single tear in her eyes. Not even a feeling of guilt on her face. She told me everything because she thought that I should be aware of it.’

Smruti kept looking at him. He said, further, ‘No one knows about it except me. And of course, now you. Her reason for killing Rajashri is very foolish in court of law but she has no regrets. She doesn’t want Samrat to get into any trouble. He is a God for her. She doesn’t want people or anyone to know about your and Samrat’s relationship. I believe that’s true love. A pure selfless love.’

Smruti started crying like a baby and fell at his feet. ‘I am sorry, Dev. I am very sorry.’ She kept saying.

He held her at her shoulders and made her stand up. He wiped her tears. There was silence between both of them for some time. It was a very difficult moment for Dev. His own wife had betrayed him. Knowing about the extra-marital relationship she had with her own student who was younger than her by about ten years was a disastrous feeling for him.

‘It was a suicidal moment for me when Pooja told me everything and left.’ He paused for a while and continued further, ‘But then I thought a lot over it. You had never been dishonest towards me. You have fulfilled all the responsibilities of a wife and a mother, more than I could expect. You have also loved me the way I wanted you to love me.’

‘Having an other man in a woman’s life is something which is not very strange. But Smruti, I know you still love me.’

She kept crying as he said. His words were healing her.

‘I know you love me. I don’t know what you think about Samrat. Whether it was just a physical intimacy or even much more emotional bond from your side is something which I don’t know. Perhaps, I don’t want to know.’

‘The only thing which I know is that I love you, Smruti. I love you a lot. And I don’t want to lose you.’ It was the first time in her life when she saw tears in his eyes.

‘Yes, Smruti. I love you a lot. And the most important thing is that we have a lovely child. At least, for her and keeping her in mind, we need to sort these things out. I don’t want any of this thing to affect my child.’

‘Slap me, Dev. Please slap me hard.’ She said as she held his hands. But he didn’t do it. Rather he folded his hands and said, ‘I have never hit at a woman and will never do so. Only a weakest man can do it. I just want to request you to come back to my life, or should I say, our life. The doors are open for you. I will forget everything that has happened. But you will have to promise me that even you will erase this chapter from your life. It’s a request, Smruti. I need you. Come back. At least, for Rhea.’

He began to leave from that room. But before leaving, he said, ‘If you feel that you don’t want to come back then you are free to leave our life. I will not have any problem if you want to go ahead with Samrat. It will be your decision.’

He left the house to go and play with Rhea in the garden downstairs. The void after he left was killing Smruti. She stood still and emotionless.

She thought about Samrat. Was it really the love for him that brought her close to him? Or mere lust? She had no answer. But she knew what to do now. 

She went near the window and saw Rhea playing happily with her father and Daaiji. She kept looking at her. Seeing her daughter smile brought a smile on her face.

Sometimes, there’s no just no way to hold back the river.